I always think of the worse possible scenario; what if I get in there and the baby has no heartbeat? what if my feelings are the same after seeing the baby? what if something is seriously wrong with me that could harm the baby? what if there is something wrong with the baby? and the list goes on and on. Nursing school hasn't helped with always thinking about what could possibly happen. So, these thoughts continued to run through my head on our drive to the doctor's office.
We finally arrived, extremely early to fill out paperwork. At this point, I feel like I have seriously signed my life away. I have had to sign my name to the point of exhaustion in the last few months. By the time I got everything filled out and squared away it was time for my appointment and surprisingly I went back on time. Usually, when I go to the doctor I question why I even made an appointment because you don't get to go back until like an hour after your original appointment.
We went back and they checked all my vitals and asked me 50 million questions, literally. After the interrogation came the part I had been dreading since the day I found out I was pregnant, the cervical exam. I've only had one and it was awful. Plus, there is nothing comfortable about having someone down there in your area that you don't even know. Surprisingly, there was nothing to it. The doctor couldn't have made it any faster, painless, or more comfortable than she did.
Right before the cervical exam the doctor tried to listen to the heartbeat with the doppler. She said she doubted she would be able to hear it, so not to panic if she couldn't because that is normal. But, as soon as she put it on my belly I heard the most amazing, beautiful sound I have ever heard in my life, my babies fast, strong heart beat. Of course, I started bawling. And right that second I regretted sending Johnathon out of the room during my cervical exam. I wish we had of been together to hear it for the first time.
It was finally time for us to get to see our baby! They told us to not get to excited because we might not be able to see it that well yet. But of course we could! And again, it was absolutely amazing. S/he was all over the screen and jumping up and down. The tech was even laughing at how active the baby was. And the heartbeat was great, 168 bpm. She said that there was only one in there, which I couldn't have been more relieved to hear. That's all they needed to tell me, was that there were two and I would have fell out. I could have seriously watched that screen all day long!
There is our beautiful baby!
Nobody lied when they said everything changes once you see your baby and hear their heart beat. It makes everything so real. Seeing it made it believable. It is amazing that we made that from nothing, it is amazing that their is a little baby growing inside of me, and it proves to me more than ever that life and God are so amazing!
I am sure I will still be overwhelmed at times. I am sure there will still be some days that I am down. And probably more days of sad tears. But right now, I am on top of the world and so so so very excited. I was doubting that I would ever make it to that point but next time I will believe what everyone tells me (ok, that probably is a lie, I take nothing for face value until I experience it myself).
The doctors said that everything looks great! My due date is January 7, 2013. Which is good because I start back school on January 14 and I am suppose to graduate in May. I just hope things work out that way! Plus my birthday is January 3, so we could possibly share the same birthday. Of course Johnathon is already complaining. For one, he says it is not fair that the baby could be born on my birthday and not his. And he wants to know when I would have to get pregnant for a baby to be born on his birthday, lol. Unfortunately, for him I don't know if I want to ever be pregnant again, so I guess he will just continue to be jealous. No one worry because he is just joking, we definitely are not thinking about baby number two for a very, very long time. For two, he always has complained about my birthday being right after Christmas and right before Valentine's day, he calls it "BirthMasTine". He said that "we are going to break him, especially since he will be buying for two."
Hopefully, we will be finding out what we are having in four weeks and neither one of us can wait or can anyone else!
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