Yep, we
are halfway through this thing. It is
crazy how fast this pregnancy is flying by.
Before we know it, Johnathon and I will be meeting our baby girl!
So how
are things?
Well…it’s
been a while since I have had a chance to blog.
When I
think about how I have been emotionally this is what comes to mind:
“You’re
up, you’re down, you’re here, you’re there, you’re like a frickin’ one woman
circus.”
That is
a line from one of my favorite movies, How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days…and yes I
have watched it a million and two times just to stare at Matthew McConaughey
(Johnathon don’t get jealous, he was a total turn off in Magic Mike). No, I am
not a freak that remembers lines it movies (that would be my baby daddy) but
when I was thinking about how to explain how I feel that line popped in my
head. And that is exactly how I
feel. One minute I am so excited and
then the next…I want to crawl in my mom’s lap and cry like I did when I was
5. I feel like I am an emotional basket
case…and I don’t just feel that way, I am. Johnathon will agree.
I still
am not ready to be a parent. I don’t
want to become one of those people who can’t do anything without their child,
drives a minivan, and walks around dressed like they just rolled out of bed
every day (not that I don't already do this). I am not knocking you if that
describes your life…but I don’t want to be like that. I am scared of becoming my child. And I feel like that is already happening,
all you ever hear out of my mouth is RaeLynn, RaeLynn, RaeLynn. I believe it important to raise your children
well, be extremely involved in their lives, and do all the motherly/fatherly
duties. So please don’t think I just don’t
care about my child. I am sure I will be
one of those annoy, over obsessed with their child people that I despise. I also believe that it is also very important
to do things for yourself and your spouse and not get lost in just being a parent. Hopefully, Johnathon and I will remember that
and not forget ourselves or each other.
Personally, I don’t care if Johnathon forgets himself but he better not
forget about me J
just kidding! He probably already thinks I am forgetting about him
because all I ever talk about is RaeLynn but I haven’t, I promise!
The
advice has already started rolling in…oh joy.
Now, I feel bad for anytime I have ever given advice about raising a
child (especially since I didn’t have one, lol!). Taylor this does not apply to you, I am still going to give you advice about how to raise Auden, I know, I know...you don't have to tell me I am the most amazing sister ever! For everyone else, here is my apology!
You
need to do this. You need to do that.
Are you really considering cloth diapering (with a sigh of disgust)? You
are having your baby at that terrible hospital!?! Eyes rolling when you talk
about being strict about what your child eats…
And the
list goes on and on. It is never
ending. The advice is not needed or
wanted. Luckily, Johnathon and I are the
parents and she will be raised how we want.
And everything we choose to do will be for her benefit not just because
we are just trying to be crazy people.
Plus, for people that know me it should not be a surprise to anyone that
I am considering cloth diapering or demanding that my child eats well opposed
to the terrible American diet. If people
can’t cooperate, they won’t have to worry about keeping her. Oh, and since I
mentioned people keeping RaeLynn…people just think you will drop your child off
anywhere. Newsflash, it’s not
happening. There are just some things I
don’t want my child to be raised around and if people believe that I think that
I am better than them because of that, oh well.
Anyway, I am already dreading that I have to leave her so soon after
having her. I know she is going to be
with Johnathon and our moms but it still isn’t me. I know I have to go back to school and that
is what is best for our family but leaving her at a week or two old is not
going to be fun. So, no one has to worry
about me wanting to leave her anywhere when I have the chance to be home with
her.
I am
also super stressed about our house. If
it is not done before RaeLynn gets here I am going to probably have a mini
breakdown. Actually, it won’t be
mini. I just want my child to have her
own room! Is that too much to ask
for? I know Johnathon is doing
everything he can and I appreciate every little thing. But time is dwindling down and things are
moving slowly. It is just stressful.
I am
carrying her super low…like if she moves any lower she is coming out. She took Little Jon seriously when he said
“get low.” The pressure in my pelvis is
unbearable most days. I wasn’t expecting
this much pressure at 20 weeks but hey I didn’t expect to get pregnant either. I should probably stop expecting things. I have to lie down most of the time do
relieve the pressure…sitting just makes it one hundred times worse. The peeing is insane. I have to pee like every 5 minutes or at least it feels that way...and most of the time it is just a drop. I know too much information. I am having trouble sleeping at night. Mainly because she is constantly moving at
night, making me have to pee constantly.
Not to mention the bouts of restless legs I experience…I hate to even
mention it because I will probably talk it up.
Since I can’t sleep at night, I sleep late and so does RaeLynn. She doesn’t move nearly as much during the
day as she does at night. Please don’t
let this be any indication of her sleep schedule!
I
started back nursing school this week for my senior year, Woot! Woot! And let
me just say sitting two days straight for about 6 hours a day was not fun for a
pregnant lady. My poor back and bladder
were not happy about the situation. I am
just thankful that those long hours of sitting were now and not later on in my
pregnancy because it would have been much worse!
So far I
have gained 10 lbs which I wish was a little less but even with 10 that still
gives me room to gain another 15-25 lbs and I will still be in the recommended
weight gain range for pregnancy. I
probably need to start doing some physical activity…like I said I was going to
start doing 15 weeks ago. I just can’t
find the time or energy but I am really going to try to start walking.
RaeLynn
will probably come out looking like she is Mexican, I have already warned
Johnathon. Sometimes, I eat Mexican 3
times a week. That is all I want. I am not really having any other
cravings. I am trying to control my
eating somewhat but it could be better.
It is so much easier for me to get Johnathon to grab me something on the
way home. Besides I can’t even
cook. I told him I was going to start
trying though. Surely, it will provide
many laughable moments for us.
I had my
20 week checkup this past week and the doctor said everything looked
great. I had an ultrasound and she wasn’t
very cooperative. The tech said that she
still thinks that she is a girl, lol. It
took her forever to do the ultrasound because she was in what the tech
described as “a very awkward position.” I have to have another one next time
because she wouldn’t move her hands from in front of her face, so the tech wasn’t
able to see her nose and mouth.
She was sucking on her thumb the whole time.
A couple of weeks ago Johnathon told me he was working overtime on a Friday night. Instead, he was actually flying to Texas to drive back a new car that I had been wanting and that will be more practical than a convertible mustang with a child. Yes, I love him :)
Here's my new family ride...and yea I know it needs to be washed but all it has been doing lately is raining, so what's the point?
And this was in it when I got it for RaeLynn.
Maybe he is getting over the fact she is a girl.
That is all for now :) Here is to the next 20 weeks!
